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So you want to be heard do you?
Being a master communicator isn’t generally something that you’re born with. You have to work at it. I’ve been mastering the art of communication for years and still I stumble from time to time. Some of the best lesson’s I’ve learned are here in this blog.

First, if you find that you are angry, frustrated, disappointed (insert your own feeling here) with someone in your life, you should tell them. I’m not talking about, “Hey Jerk Face, you left your dishes in the sink again. You are such a pig!” Try something like this…”Honey, I’ve noticed that I’m feeling angry when I see your dishes in the sink. It makes me feel like you don’t respect how hard I work to keep the kitchen clean when you leave stuff in the sink. I’m sure that is not your intention, but I wanted you to know that’s how I’m feeling”. Instead of getting all defensive, the person you are speaking to will hear what you say.

Try it… “It makes me feel ______ when you ______. I’m sure that wasn’t your intention, but it’s how I’m feeling”. Or, “I am noticing that I’m feeling frustrated with how you speak to me in front of my colleagues. I think it’s because you keep cutting me off. I’m sure it is not your intention to frustrate me, so I wanted to share how I’ve been feeling with you”.

Second, Check for understanding. Being married to a French man reminds me to check for understanding almost every time we speak. His English is excellent, but sometimes the way I phrase something doesn’t resonate. Ask the person you’re speaking to if they understood what you said. If they say yes, ask them to repeat it to you to ensure you were clear; especially if the matter is of high importance.

Third, When you’re trying to share your ideas with someone you work with or care about, instead of saying, “You should….” try “Have you ever considered…” This gives them the opportunity to tell you if they have and if it worked or not. It’s especially key if you are offering unsolicited advice in the workplace or to a friend.

Fourth, Say what you want. Sounds easy right? But most of us say what we don’t want.
Me: John, what would you like in a new job?
John: I don’t want a boss that micro-manages me. I don’t want to work weekends. I don’t want to be strapped for cash.
John is telling me everything he doesn’t want in his new job. So let’s give John’s words a makeover.
John: I want a boss who trusts me to do my job and gives me autonomy. I want weekends off to enjoy my family. I want enough money to pay my bills and put away $300 month in savings.

With your kids: Don’t Run! becomes, Walk in the house. Don’t spill the milk! becomes, Do your best to keep all of the milk in the glass or the container.

Just pay attention this week to how many times you say, “I don’t want…” It’s surprising. Make an effort to say what you want. It feels better and it sets your mind on the goal, whether that’s finding a job with weekends off or keeping the milk in the container and cup!

And Last, Turn your sights to the positive by shifting your typical, “How was your day?” to “What went well today?” Most of us go right to everything that went array when someone asks how our day was. So by asking your kids, spouse, colleagues, and friends, “What went well today?” you’re helping them shift to positive thinking. Positive thinking according to Dr. Martin Seligman in his book Flourish, is one way to build resiliency. (The ability to bend without breaking, and thrive after a traumatic event)

Share your thoughts and communication tips below!

I found myself rushing last week through every activity I did. Dropping the kids off, getting ready, working out, cooking dinner, reading stories… RUSH RUSH RUSH. I was frazzled by the end of the week and then through a series of unfortunate events, I heard the message, “Slow down Alexis”. It is easy to get caught up in the frenzy and you must be intentional about how you slow down. Here are some ideas for you to use.

Notice your personal frenzy
Is your heart racing? Are you stressed? Are you snapping at people who don’t deserve it? Are you thinking about things happening after the present moment constantly? Pay attention to what is happening for you and notice what’s happening.

Determine the cause
Why are you so busy, stressed, frantic? Is it because you over scheduled yourself? Are you making things mean more than they should? Are you putting things off to the last minute? Determining what is causing your personal frenzy will help you overcome it.

Okay, so how do you fix it?

Easy: Breathe, take three deep breaths and feel every cell in your body respond by relaxing.

Moderate: Cancel some things. Just clear things off your plate.

Difficult: Physically rest. Take a nap, read a book, take a walk, grab a coffee. Whatever feels the most restful do it.

Proactively slow your life down

1. Schedule some catch up time after trips.

2. If you must turn up the dial on productivity, either, prepare ahead of time or build in rest after.

3. Play! Go have fun and balance your hard work and efforts with some fun play; it’s rejuvenating.

4. Build a solid foundation. Get good sleep 7-8 hours a night, Eat foods high in vitamins and minerals, hydrate often and exercise. This will prepare to kick ass when needed without destroying yourself in the process.

Some people say a thing is not worth doing unless you do it well. When we’re rushing through life, we can’t enjoy the task at hand, we aren’t present and it’s not meaningful, so you might ask, “Why even do it”?
If you are going to take the time to do something, be present and enjoy it. Otherwise skip it. Life is too short.

Twitter Version: When you slow down the wine tastes better.

If you are not getting what you need out of people on a regular basis, it might be because you aren’t setting good expectations.

If you find yourself stewing because your spouse isn’t helping with chores, or children or bringing home the bacon, ask yourself, “Have I told them what I need?”

It’s important to set expectations because without them, people have no road map for pleasing you.

Setting expectations tells people what you need. When you tell someone what your expectations are, it forces you to determine what you need. It also saves you from having an awkward conversation after someone is not living up to your hopes.

How to set expectations?
Think about what you need vs. what you want. Get clear on what is a priority and what is a “nice to have”. Then share them explicitly.

Who should you set expectations with?
Your Spouse
Your Kids
Your Friends
Your Students
People who work for you
Domestic help/ housekeeping and sitters
People who you are buying from/ Vendors
Pretty much everyone on some level

It’s not fair to get angry with someone who you haven’t set boundaries with. If you haven’t told your fiancée what you are hoping for in a partner, can you really hold them accountable when they don’t do everything you expected them to?

If you haven’t told your housekeeper that you want them to clean the blinds, fuming about it isn’t going to get your blinds clean; telling them will.

Why do you wait to talk to people about what you want them to do?
You want to avoid conflict, you are embarrassed, you feel bad when you tell people what to do, you don’t do it up front and it feels awkward afterward.

So to set yourself up for success: Think about what you need, prioritize what is most important and then tell people what you need.

If you are too afraid to say it to someone, write a list up.

If you are already waist deep into a relationship with someone who isn’t meeting your expectations, apologize for not setting expectations up front and let them know that you need to clarify your needs to set them up for success.

Don’t ever assume that people should know what you want or need. They don’t. Just tell them in a polite and assertive way, and you will reduce your frustration ten fold.

Twitter Version: In an effort to get what you need and reduce frustration, tell people what you expect.

Situation: You have a side job that you love, but you are afraid to do it full time because you aren’t rich or famous? You want to make a business out of your side job, but are you ready? Here are three steps to helping your find your way from side hustle to full time entrepreneur without falling on your face.

Step One: Build Your Business While You Are Still Working Full Time
Take advantage of working a full time job and financial security before you leap into a small business venture. Use the time to work lunch hours, weekends and nights on the following:
- Build your reputation in your community
-Create your brand
-Determine who your ideal customer is
-What is your ideal customer’s problem?
-Determine how your product or service will solve their problem
-Market Yourself
-Create strategic partnerships
-Try different pricing strategies and see what works
-Time your projects
-Write a business plan
-Get business coaching through the SBDC or Local Chamber
-Set up your operating and accounting systems
-Blog and get yourself and your voice out there
Building while you work full time is a great way to experiment, research and build a solid foundation for moving forward with a business. You’ll know if you are really excited and committed to making your side job a full time career if you don’t mind working on it after hours.

Step Two: Know When You Are Ready
-You have your debts paid off (outside of mortgage and a car payment)
-You have at least 3-6 months of living and business expenses to survive on while you launch
-Know your worst case scenario. When will I know to abandon ship?
-You have support from friends, family and professional associates
-People know you for your trade
-You have clients and prospects lined up
-You know exactly who your customers are and what problem you solve for them and you can easily articulate that in 30 seconds or less
-You have an established brand, marketing plan and business cards
-Your website is up and you know how to update it yourself

Step Three – Creating A Leap Line
Start with a line notating “Today/Current State” then end with your “Leap of Faith”. In between those two points put in all of the steps your need to take to get to your leap of faith. If you get to a point that you aren’t sure what step to take write, “RESEARCH”. Put the date you’d like to leap on, for instance one year from today; then figure out how much time you need to spend on each step in between and add 25% for all the times you will learn from your mistakes along the way. You can see if your leap date is realistic or if it’s too soon. Once you have the date set, you will have a road map for how to get to the safe leaping point.

The key is to prepare as much as you can while you are in a salaried environment, so that the leap isn’t terrifying, and the landing will be as soft as possible. Remember once you land you’ll want to charge ahead with your idea!

One very important Caveat: Now and again this process will show you that your side business isn’t ready or isn’t sustainable as a full time business. When that happens, enjoy your side job, and keep a day job.

Post your leap of faith date and what you are going to do in our comment section.

The art of self promotion is, well, an art. It is not self adulation, meaning it isn’t you telling the world how fabulous and smart you are and bragging about everything you’ve ever done. It is more about promoting your ideas and educating people about what you are doing and what your talents are.

The way I see it there are three places where it is important to promote yourself; The workplace, As a business owner or thought leader, and in your personal life.

Why is it important?

At Work - Now a days, most businesses are doing more with less management. That means less time for managers to observe their staff in action, less time for chats with budding leaders, and a lot of time with our heads down getting things done. That means it’s up to you to shine and to be seen. It’s not enough to just be brilliant at your job, you need to promote your brilliance to the key players in leadership. If you show your value, leadership will likely keep you around and hopefully promote you when there is an opportunity.

As a Business Owner or Thought Leader – Self promotion gets people behind your great ideas and services or products. When you begin to share what it is you are working on or a recent success, it will force you to articulate what the idea is. It will force you to explain the significance of landing that deal or negotiating a new contract. If you are passionate about changing the world, your industry or just your home town, you need to talk about it and get people behind you. This will fuel your success. This will keep you going when you want to quit and it will give you a temperature of how people are feeling about that great idea.
“Thought Leader” as I’m describing it would be an author, blogger, speaker, expert in their field.

In Your Personal Life – Self promotion in your personal life will help the people who care about you understand you and it will offer them a way to get interested in your aspirations and goals. Once they understand what you’re after, they can encourage you, ask you questions about your journey and support you along the way.

So how can you promote yourself without feeling “shameless” or arrogant?

At Work
When someone asks you “How are you?” or “What have you been up to?” Resist saying, “Oh fine”, or “Nothing really” and tell them about something you’re having success with, or working on. This is your cue to share some morsel of information to let them know what you’ve been up to. (Example), Your boss says, “How are you?”. You say, “Thanks for asking. I’m doing great because I have finally mastered the new software program that was rolled out.” or “Fantastic, I just closed a huge deal today and I’m feeling on top of the world!”

What if your boss doesn’t ask you how you are doing? Then seize other opportunities like, asking their opinion on something in the lunch room or while waiting for a meeting to start. (Example) You, “Hi Boss, I’ve been working with a client to create a new product. How have you had success creating new products in the past? or What are some key things I should keep in mind during the development stage?” This is a trifecta! It lets your boss know that you respect his/her experience enough to ask his/her opinion, it gives you insight (Bonus), and it shows your boss that you are actively pursuing product development vs. just doing your daily job.

Another example is approaching someone in leadership (doesn’t have to be your supervisor), and asking them what leadership books they like. After they answer, tell them what you are reading/ enjoying currently. (Example) You “Hi Mrs. Director of Finance, I’m working through this great new book on what motivates people by Dan Pink and loving it. What books have you read that you think might be good for me to read?” Mrs. Director of Finance, “I loved David Allen’s book on time management called “Getting Things Done“.
This allows you the opportunity to go back and discuss the recommended book once you’ve read it. Organically you become “thought partners”. It will help the leader see you as a peer vs. a subordinate, showing that you can discuss things outside of your job description.

As a Business Owner or Thought Leader

Use social media such as Facebook, Twitter or Newsletters to share the good things you are doing, the latest innovations, the greatest products you’ve found for your clients.
Make a short video highlighting your strengths or your thoughts and why you believe they will change the world for the better. Put your self out there in snippets so people can get to know you.
Network! Get out and press the flesh, shake some hands, show your face in town and let people know who your clients are and how they can promote your store.
Offer to teach a class for free on a subject you know well. Knowledge is a great currency an can be shared many ways thanks to technology.
Ask people what they do and find commonalities for you to talk about.
Find thought partners; like minded folks who you can bounce ideas off of.
Get people excited about your success. Tell them when things go sideways and how you dealt with it. It show’s how you handle adversity and that you are human and fallible.
Be genuine. If your energy is cheesy and dis-genuine it will feel that way.

Personal Life

Share your dreams
Share your proud moments
Genuinely care about others and listen to them.
Stay positive about yourself. Self pity feels yucky for all parties involved.
When you speak about yourself in a positive light, it gives those folks around you permission to do the same. Shine your light so that others may shine theirs.

Tell us how you self promote or why you think it’s important or not in the comments. Get crazy and tell us about your success right here!

Have a great week! Alexis

For the past couple of years I think it’s safe to say that most people have just been happy to have a job, vs. searching for their dream job. But here is the thing, in the midst of all of the economic scariness, I took a leap of faith to pursue my dream job, and it has been worth it!

Why you ask? Because I love coming to work everyday. That makes me happy, creative, motivated and more joyful. My husband took a pay cut to go after a job he really wanted and the the benefits of being happy on the job daily have far out weighed the extra cash in a job he didn’t love.

So you are ready to reinvent your career but you don’t know how to start. Well here are some tips to get you started.

If you already know what your dream job is, then go for it!
If you are lucky enough to already have the idea then you need to create a plan to transition. What I did to transition was keep working my day job and create my coaching practice on the side. That helped me stay financially sound, pay off some debt and work through my ideas and business plan while making enough money to pay my bills. Full disclosure, this was hard because it meant working two jobs, but when one job is your passion, that makes it easier to swallow.

Not sure what your dream is? Try these questions to get you thinking…

What do you love doing? When do you lose track of time?
Spend some time listing the things you love. Is it travel, organizing, cooking, shopping, gardening, talking to people, helping people, being creative? Whatever you love, elements of that can be woven into a dream job for you. Think about the last time you lost track of time creating something, or spending time with someone. Where were you? What were you engrossed in?

Need more structure, then use the ideal day visualization exercise from Martha Beck’s, Finding Your Own North Star.

Have a friend or a coach (Nourish provides this service) walk you through your ideal day, from the minute you wake up to the minute you go to bed and take notes. What time do you wake up? Who is there? What do you do first? What is in your closet? What clothes do you put on? What kind of shoes, bags, accessories, work out things are in your closet? (This tells a lot about what you want to do with your life) Do you drive to work or walk? How far is it? What does your office look like? What kind of light is there? How many people are in your work environment? What do you do all day? What time to do you go home? Who is there?
These questions will help you visualize your ideal work day without having to define exactly what it is you want to do.

The List – Create it!

Much like finding your ideal mate, finding your dream job begs for a list of descriptors. Make a list of everything you want in your dream job, then describe what that looks like.

Example:
Descriptor: Flexible
Looks like: I can arrive between 8 and 9am and leave between 4 – 5pm each day. If I need to pop out for a personal appointment or take a two hour lunch, no one cares as long as my work is done.

You have to know what it is you are looking for otherwise you are shooting in the dark. Articulate everything you can about your dream job.

Create your own luck!

People don’t generally fall into their dream jobs. If you want to be a chef then get out of the accounting office. Find out who is doing your dream job, where you can do your dream job, look for people to interview and gather information. Research everything you can about your dream job and then you will bring yourself closer to finding it.

Be willing to accept that your dream job might morph

One of my dear friends Jill came to me for coaching and gathered up the courage to leave her corporate job and start a cooking business. She was going to be a personal chef and do catering. A month into it, she got a wild hair and scrapped her original plan in order to make organic baby food. Who knew? She was willing to open herself up to what felt right, and turns out that was baby food, not being a personal chef. There is no failure there, just a morph to something new. Check out her website and read about her journey on her blog.

Find a tribe!

When you’ve made the leap of faith and gone after your dream, look for people like you who are starting their own dream jobs. Jill surrounds herself with people from the boutique baby industry, other foodies including a chocolatier, a hummus maker, a catering group. You will find support and inspiration from people walking the same path.

My friend Margaret Webb found herself creating a solution for her child so that she could connect with him at home. She used her teaching background to create a product called “My Obstacle Course” and is now creating a career around coaching parents and teachers how to engage children in non-traditional ways. She’s brilliant, check her out.

Life is short, go after your dream. As my dear friend Maria says, there will always be a company that will overwork you and underpay you if it doesn’t work out. Keep laughing and keep dreaming, but most importantly take one step towards your dreams today.

I got the idea for today’s topic from a Facebook post that my friend Jamie Orr posted about the Giants Baseball team. She said she wanted them to keep the momentum going, and then noted she was going to teach a class on momentum that evening. She studies Physics, so I’ll be talking about a slightly different type of momentum today, but forward movement is the key here.

In checking out some blogs about momentum it occurred to me that this topic can really be applied to all the different areas of our life. Momentum in our careers, towards our dreams and in our relationships, with our health. The way I see it, as Oprah would say, there are few key components to creating momentum and then sustaining it.

1. Understand Where You Are Going – Begin with the end in mind, and focus on the end state. If you know where you are headed it’s easy to get there. When we struggle to define the end, decisions become overwhelming and unclear and tend to stop us in our tracks. Defining the end state may be the most important piece of creating momentum in the puzzle.

2. Commit – One you figure out where you are going commit to getting there. Commitment brings freedom from the back and forth of maybes.

3. Spread the Word – Tell people where you are going and why you are going there. This will help you stay accountable and as an added benefit it will create reminders for you. People who know will ask you, How’s it going? How is your plan working? That will get you re-energized and remind you to ask yourself the same questions.

4. Create a Fan Club – Surround yourself with people who believe in your vision and support where you are headed. Each week I check in with my friend Jill about the progress of her business. She does the same for me. It helps to have people excited about what you are doing to keep you excited about what you are doing. Positive people will bring good energy to you.

5. Clear the Trail – On your journey you will run into road blocks. They will show up in the way of your own fears, naysayers, negative people and you will need to clear the path so you can move forward. If you know that that someone doesn’t believe in what you are doing, you can choose to a. put on your bubble suit* when they show up (*See definition below) or b. avoid them all together. When fear creeps up, it’s natural, take a look at it, lean into it and then ask yourself, “Can I absolutely know that this is true?”. Ignoring fear feeds it, but looking it right in the face and investigating it helps you to understand it and dissipate it.

6. Celebrate Small Victories – Take Turtle Steps, tiny steps toward achieving your major objectives. Each time you accomplish something pat yourself on the back. Positive self talk will push you forward and sustain your ability to work when things get tough. Negative talk will kill your momentum, so when you feel it creeping up on you, notice it, and work towards getting back to your positive mind set.

7. Write Yourself - When you are ready to start moving towards your objective, your energy is high, your hope is inspired and you fear nothing, write yourself a letter. Then ask a friend to mail it to you in 3 months. Don’t want to burden a friend, paste an electronic copy into into an appointment titled “Read Me” in your calendar for 3 – 6 months from now. You’ll be reminded of the energy and passion you felt when you began your journey.

So get started today with step one and figure out where you are going? Is it a new job you seek? Is it a new project at work? Is it a book you’ve intended to write? Whatever it is, go for it. You don’t serve the world by being small.

Definition: Bubble Suit- A pretend bubble that you deploy to fend off negative energy. When deploying say “Pffffft” and imagine you are in a bubble of positivity and all of the negative talk and vibes bounce off of you. This can also be used before telling a friend some lousy information. Ex. “Oh I have something sad to tell you, put on your bubble suit.”

Five years ago when I started coaching, people had never heard of it. I would say, I’m a certified Life Coach and they would look at me with a squished up forehead and say as politely as possible… “and what exactly is that?” Then I would give a pitch about what it was and how it worked. Today, I’m delighted to report than many people know what coaching is now and I don’t face so many awkward moments any more. There is still a bit of mystery around it, so I’ve decided to dedicate this Monday to a little fun clarification!

As a life and business coach I start by finding where people are in their life or business and where they want to be. If they don’t know where they want to be, that is the first thing we tackle. In business it’s often more tangible then in life. For example: A business owner wants to make more profit, be a better leader, hire the right people, create a new product or bring an idea to life. I help people get very visual in what the ideal state of life or business would look like for them. We in short, define, define, define the ideal outcome.

I talk to them about how they think they should get there and what is holding them back. Many people don’t take the time to ever think about what is truly holding them back and this is fertile ground for thought dissolving and thought investigation. We work on ways to overcome fear, do the thing that they feel is impossible or overwhelming.

One major rule of thumb for coaches is to refrain from “giving advice”. My job is to ask the relevant questions to inspire the answers in my client, not to tell them what to do. Offering perspective and ideas for solutions is part of the process, but rarely will you hear me say, “What you need to do is …”.

Coaching helps people and business owners/ leaders refine their ideas, explore and investigate their thoughts surrounding problems and opportunities. Telling some one what to do is far less powerful then helping them uncover the way themselves. It’s the “Teach a man to Fish” belief. Once someone has found the way themselves, they are invested in it, and committed to making a change. That’s when I know I’ve helped a client to absolute understanding.

Then I get tactile in my methods, prioritizing steps, setting goals and making action plans. Then coaching becomes about creating accountability, holding clients to deadlines and helping them define small strategies to take big steps. I try to keep motivation going. Eventually the student becomes the teacher and they don’t need me any more. The goal is to help people get out of their own way and go after their goals with conviction dedication and passion.

I myself hired a coach at the end of the summer to navigate the fears and anxiety I had about taking my business to the next level. It was a great experience to be on the other side of the desk and I came out of it leaning that to get out of my own way, I needed to trust my creative intuition and commit! So I am and I’m so thankful to my coach Deb for helping me discover that insight.

For more about coaching, check out www.nourishlifecoaching.com and www.nourishbusiness.com. So ask yourself; Where are you now? Where would you like to be?

When I asked my husband Arnaud what he thought I was best at, he said without hesitation, “communication”. That got me thinking that perhaps it was time that we talk about the art of communicating.

Being married to a French man offers me the opportunity to perfect my communication style daily due to the language barrier. Because Arnaud didn’t grow up in the states, he isn’t familiar with saying’s that we take for granted. Yesterday at the pharmacy, Celeste my five year old daughter had a bunch of marbles in her pockets. She started messing around with her brother Aidan and the next thing you know, little glass balls are dancing all over the floor. He said to Celeste, “Watch out or you are going to loose your marbles.” I responded, “or we are going to loose our marbles”. The pharmacists and I laughed only to realize that Arnaud didn’t catch the joke.

It was a classic example of a cliche that he hadn’t heard before. So I explained to him that loosing your marbles was like loosing your mind. And if Celeste kept monkeying around I might “loose my marbles”.

This was easy for me to catch because I don’t expect him to get every phrase that I use, so I check in often. But for those of us who are speaking the same language, much can get lost in translation which brings me to my first point;

Point One: Check for understanding…often.

Whether you are talking to your boss, your client or your spouse, be sure that your message has been understood. Ask, people if you were clear. Confirm details, especially if the subject is important.

Point Two: Learn to listen.

How many times have you been engaged in a conversation and you ask a question only to hear, I just told you that? What happens is we become busy thinking of the next thing we are going to say and we tune out. Being a good listener takes practice. When you are engaged and actively listening, the person talking articulates their point more effectively.

Point Three: Learn your communication/behavioral style

Understanding how people differ in their communication style, can help you speak someone else’s language. Are you a fast talker, high level, straight to the point, or detailed communicator? My communication style is relationship driven, and I take care to ensure I speak in a way that is friendly. I tend to skip around a lot, and being able to tell someone that and ask them to stop me if they need more detail is key to ensuring people are hearing me. To find out your style: order your DiSC behavioral assessment through our website. http://www.nourishlifecoaching.com/Nourish/Services.html

Point Four: Use assertive communication vs. passive or aggressive communication

Passive communication is when your roommate leaves his dishes in the sink and you say nothing, or worse, just do them for him.

Aggressive communication is when your roommate leaves his dishes in the sink and you say, “YOU ARE SUCH A PIG, YOU ALWAYS LEAVE THE HOUSE A DISASTER!”

Assertive communication is when your roommate leaves his dishes in the sink and you say, “It makes me feel like you don’t respect me and the time I spend keeping the house clean, when you leave your dishes in the sink. I’m sure that’s not your intention, but I need you to know that is how it makes me feel. Could you work on cleaning up your dishes after you are done please?”

Using assertive communication puts you in charge of your feelings. You take ownership of how you feel, you don’t blame the person for making you feel a certain way. It allows the person receiving the criticism to hear what you are saying vs. immediately searching for an excuse.

Try this phrase, “It makes me feel _______ when you _______. I’m sure that isn’t your intention, but I wanted to let you know how it was making me feel.”

I used this with my boss when I was very new to my last job and he responded apologetically and never repeated the behavior again. This phrase takes the emotion out of the conversation and leaves room for understanding and resolution.

Try it at work today or at home tonight!

I went to bed last night and thoughts were swirling like crazy around my head. I immediately thought, I need to do a mind sweep. Well, that was enough to relax me and I fell right to sleep.

This morning as I sat down at my desk, I realized that getting things done without a huge amount of stress and anxiety is an art. Here is how I do it.

Step One: Get clear on your values and the top most important things in your life. What is your big picture of how you want to live your life? This will help guide your goals and priorities.

Step Two: Set your goals. Put in writing what you need to do to live a life like the one you’ve imagined. This is the road map to the big picture.

Step Three: Set your priorities. Go through your goals and your values, and prioritize them for this week. Priorities will change, and while your job may need extra attention this week, your spouse or family may need it next week. It’s important to keep checking in and readjusting as your priorities change.

Step Four: Do a weekly “Mind Sweep” as coined by David Allen, Author of best seller Getting Things Done. A mind sweep is when you sit down at your desk and list everything that must be done. It might need to be done today or it may need to be done some time in the future, but it’s buzzing around your head, so it needs a place to land. Once you’ve done this, you’ll have everything that was worrying you or vexing you on one sheet of paper. Sometimes I like to separate my personal list and my work list on different sides of the paper.

Step Five: Regroup – Take a look at all of your upcoming appointments, and calendars. Get things scheduled. Familiarize yourself with what is coming up. There is no greater anxiety that I feel than when I don’t know what my calendar has on it and someone asks me if I’m free. Part of this is checking in with step one to make sure you are on track with your big picture.

Step Six: Begin to separate tasks from projects. Projects are anything that take more than one step to complete. Think of it as task: buying bananas. Project: making banana bread. Give each project a separate sticky note, page, or electronic task depending on size and scope. Now the magic, for each project list what the very next step you have to take is to move that project forward. Ahh, that feels good and I’m able to jump right in as soon as I have a free minute because I know where to start.

Step Seven: Separate your tasks into categories like; at my desk, at my computer, on my phone, out and about. This way when you are out and about, you can go immediately to the tasks that need to be done while you are running errands. After all, you can’t buy banana’s while you are on the computer (unless you shop on line) and you can’t write a report while you’re out and about.

For an in depth look at how to Get Things Done. Check out David Allen’s website www.davidco.com. Or go to the Amazon books below and get yourself a copy of his book, Getting Things Done.